Drugs or Me
by Yui-Mag
Summary: Dealing with the after effects of killing someone he loved, Yoji's bad habits get worse. Thinking that he is the only one who realizes the situation Yoji is in, Omi is left trying to help his friend...Not a YxO fic. Simply a fic about friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Weiss Kreuz characters. I also don't own the lyrics used in this fic, they are Jimmy Eat World lyrics for the song titled _Drugs or Me_. I hope you enjoy this fic.

"Drugs or Me"

_/Stay with me/_

Omi looked in mute horror and deep disappointment as he opened the door wider to let the older man in. Yoji was hardly recognizable with that strange stretched smile that was spread over his cracked lips. The older man stumbled in and tripped. He would have landed on his face save for the fact that Omi had previous experience with the 'drunk' Yoji. A 'drugged' Yoji though was… was… Omi felt pain as the older man's weight fell on his outstretched arm. He heard a crack but he ignored it as he staggered under the weight. He felt tears that had nothing to do with the physical pain gather at the corner of his eyes. He wanted to curse, he wanted to scream, to shout, to cry…

And in his arms, Yoji started to giggle.

"Come on Yoji." Omi swallowed hard, his foot kicked the door closed as his second arm made its way around the man. "Let's get you to the couch." There was no way they would be able to make it up the stairs without injury or death. Neither seemed like a good option to him. Slowly, the two took steps towards the promised couch. Omi's arms were straining and his legs were cramping. But he knew it would do nothing to try and hurry the older man along. "Come…on… just a little bit more… Just a…"

"Omi-iii" The older man fussed suddenly, bringing the pair to a halt. The teen looked up. A large hand came and cupped his upturned face. "Did you know…" The voice that spoke smelt of alcohol and stale smoke. It made Omi's stomach cramp.

"what?" He whispered, unable to speak higher for the lump in his throat.

"…you look…" Yoji laughed. "…like an angel." A single tear made its way down the boy's cheek. It made a silver trail down the pale skin in the darkened room and when it reached the older man's finger…Yoji looked intrigued. He lifted his hand and brought it close to his face. "what's –is?" Omi sniffled and his face screwed up as he tried to bring a comforting smile in place of the grimace.

"It's nothing. Yoji-kun. It's nothing…" He tugged at the one elbow that he still had a hold on. "Come on Yoji. I have school tomorrow and…" He spoke words though he knew they were meaningless at this point to the other man. How many times had this scene played over and over in this very house since Neu had been killed? How many times had the man gone out and found that drinking his pain and bitterness hadn't been just quite enough? How many times had he turned to something more? How many times… Omi felt more tears starting to run down his face. "Please." He asked. "Please…" And he no longer knew what he was pleading for. Whether it was for the older man to continue walking forward or whether it was for the man to stop or for him to finally reach the lost man… God. It was so unfair. Omi bit his lip to stop the sob that wanted to escape his lips. Yoji took a step forward. "That's it." The boy praised softly albeit a bit brokenly.

"Pretty…" The older man muttered. Again his calloused hand made its way to Omi's wet cheek. "…it's pretty whatever it is…" An odd look was making its way in the man's darkened green eyes. Omi paused in his urgings to get the older man to the couch. Was he gonna be sick? Or was he going to…? His answer came to him as the hand fell limply to the man's side and as the full weight fell on Omi once more. He grunted in mild surprise and nearly fell back. Only his assassin skills kept him up.

Omi continued to walk backwards to the couch. Trying not to think, not to feel as he did so. It was only when Yoji was safely out of his arms that Omi started to feel again. A deep chasm within him where prior hope had been growing. He blindly turned away from the sleeping man and went to the kitchen, looking in the cabinet under the sink for a bucket. Once he'd found that he went back to the small living room and deposited it on the floor next to the couch. He found the blanket he'd prepared just in case and spread it carefully around Yoji. And then… then Omi fell. He let his back rest on the couch's side and legs. It was uncomfortable but he would need to stay up all night. Just in case.

He was weak. He was trembling. He was exhausted. He was scared. He felt young. He…

The tears came again and no matter how many times his hands came up to wipe them away, they were there. Always there. Omi didn't know what to do anymore. He just didn't know what to do…

/_You're the one I need/_

The next morning found them too soon. Aya watched with eyes half closed in irritation at the sight before him. That damned fool. Drunk again. Didn't he know what it did to the kid? Did he have no idea? Or was he that selfish? He would have said it out-loud only to have the satisfaction in waking Yoji up but Omi had opened his eyes. And it was those wide blue eyes that silently pleaded that stopped him from saying anything. Aya glared at the boy and turned away wordlessly.

Omi stared as Aya's back disappeared into the kitchen. He breathed a sigh of relief before quickly turning to curse at himself internally. How could he have fallen asleep? He looked at Yoji and hearing the even breathing, he felt his own throat loosen. With a careful hand, he wiped away the sweaty strands of hair that were on Yoji's sleeping face.

"You promised Yoji-kun." The boy whispered, resting his forehead on the older man's forehead. "You promised." The words seemed to reach the sleeping mind as the closed eyes started to open.

"Damn." The hoarse voice sounded out, startling the boy away from his close position. "Headache." The green eyes blinked shut again. "Throat…dry." Omi semi-rose.

"I'll get you a drink of water. Stay where you are… you're gonna need more rest." He started to turn but he paused, looking over his shoulder. The worst was over for this time. "Are you ok?" The man made a wry face.

"Sure kid." The words barely made it past those cracked lips. Omi turned away, shoulders slumping as he did. He got the glass wordlessly, avoiding Aya's gaze. He had placed a half smile on his face out of habit but it fell away as he left the other's presence. How long could he keep pretending anyway without making the lie more obvious?

"Here's the water." He tried to make it sound cheerful. He didn't know who he was kidding though. Yoji cracked an eye open.

"Look like shit…" The man hissed, his hand went and covered his eyes. "Need aspirin."

"You can't." Omi said softly. He placed the glass on the table behind him.

"…" The boy kneeled by the couch and placed a hand behind the older man's upper back. He ignored the sigh that came from Yoji. He just focused on the task before him. Slowly, he managed to get the other sitting up somewhat. After having made sure that Yoji would stay upright by himself, Omi took the glass of water and brought it to the older man's lips.

_/You make the hardest things/_

"Need help going upstairs?" The question was innocent enough. The glare he received wasn't.

"I'm fine Omi." Drop it, was what the man really meant. The tone was clear enough. Back off. Omi did. Listlessly he did. There was nothing more to do. For now.

Yoji was fine for now.

Until the next time. Omi glanced at the now empty couch. He didn't know how long he sat there just staring but long enough for Aya to come in.

"You're gonna be late for school Omi." The man's voice was strangely worried and soft. Omi blinked at the reminder.

"Huh? What? What time is it?" He glanced at his watch as he asked and jumped to his feet as his eyes answered him before Aya could. "Shit!" The curse left his mouth before he could take it back. It was uncharacteristic for him, he knew. He only wished he'd be forgiven this once for having stepped out of bounds.

"You don't have to go you know." Aya stated as the older man followed him up the stairs. Omi looked over his shoulder in surprise at the comment but didn't stop making his way to his room.

"I'm fine Aya-kun. You don't need to worry about me." He opened the door and slipped inside the room. He grabbed his backpack from off the floor and placed the one strap over his shoulder. "I have a test today. I can't miss it." Omi turned to run out the door and was startled to find the redhead right there, blocking his way. The violet eyes looked Omi over in a way that made the younger man strangely comforted. He was being looked after. He smiled, one that was a bit more true to his usual ones. With a sigh the older man looked a way and took a step back. It looked like Aya wanted to say more but didn't know how to say it.

"Let me drive you at least."

"Really?" Omi's smile grew. "Thank you Aya-kun!"

_/Seem easy/_

The test had been taken and handed in, half blank mind you but at least Omi had the clear conscience that he'd tried his best. Or at least, that was what he was trying to tell himself. He sat on the sidewalk trying to wake himself up. He didn't know why he continued caring about that kind of stuff. With everything else in his life… he didn't have time to care about it. Omi rubbed at his tired eyes. He only needed to go back to the shop now and help the others with closing.

He wondered vaguely if Yoji had managed to get up at all since he'd left this morning.

Omi gave a half snort.

Life had been so easy before.

Could someone teach him how to turn back time?

Omi bit his lip.

He knew where in time he'd go, what he'd change…

He snorted again, this time bitterness shined through the sound.

He was being stupid and ridiculous.

And it needed to stop.

Omi started to walk towards the flower shop slowly, ignoring the fatigue and his swelling arm. Ignoring the pain and the hammering of his heart.

_/Keep my heart_

_Somewhere drugs don't go/_

"Hey kid." The greeting was friendlier than it had been in days. Omi looked up from his history book that he'd been pretending to read to look at Yoji's face with a smile ready on his own. Days had past since the last incident and it had been relatively quiet save for the last mission that he'd botched because of his sprained shoulder. Omi didn't know exactly how to fix that particular mess up with Aya-kun and Manx. He refrained from sighing at the rather painful memory as Yoji's green eyes continued to focus on him. "You look like you need a break from studying." The older man's hand came and ruffled the golden hair. "Talk to me." Omi blinked at the blond assassin. It had been a long time since Yoji had come to him like this. He didn't quite know what to expect.

"About…?" Yoji smiled a smile that was too thin. The green eyes looked bleak and far away somehow. Was he even really here?

"Anything." Omi looked back at the small printed words of his book.

"Close the door then." He muttered. He heard the door close as well as the man sitting on his bed following the previous sound. He turned around and the smile dropped from his face. "Yoji…" He started and stopped, unsure of how to get the words out. "Why?" Yoji's face showed pain at the question as well as abrupt understanding that the conversation they would have would not be about Omi but about him. About his new habits. There was a stretch of silence.

"…Don't worry about it." Mind your own business, Omi's mind translated for him.

"I do though…" He whispered like a broken child. This was never going to get anywhere. Yoji would never let it get anywhere! Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT! Why come to him at all… why? WHY? Omi blinked and shrugged. "Whatever." He muttered, looking to the side. "Just remember I'll…" He felt the passing wind of the disturbed air as the older man walked out. "…be there." Omi's eyes closed. "Remember me. Please." He whispered to no one.

That night found Omi downstairs. Omi sat at his desk looking not at the computer screen that was lit in the darkness, but at his hands. He was waiting. Why? There were so many reasons he'd long ago forgotten all of them. After all he only needed one to continue waiting. And it was simply this: He waited because he was needed.

Omi sighed, his fingers curling until his nails bit at the calloused hands.

Yoji was late.

Again.

And it was all _his_ fault. Again.

He should have known not to push.

Omi got up and walked over to the front door. He let himself out and sat on the front steps. From here he had a clear view of the starlit sky.

'Where are you?'

_/Where the sunshine slows_

_Always keep me close/_

"…kid?" The voice was slurred yet surprised. Omi turned towards the sound and greeted the man with a smile as best as he could. He offered a hand that was taken in a firm grip.

"Sit." Omi said simply, moving aside slightly on the stone step to leave room for Yoji. Shakily the older man complied, never releasing the smaller hand in his larger one. "The sun's about to rise."

"…really?" The reply came minutes later. The green eyes were dull, a happy smile on the tired face. "…pretty." Omi tugged his hand free.

"Yeah." He nodded slowly. "It will be pretty." They stayed in silence, the older man coming closer to the younger for mere warmth and comfort. Omi allowed it. He even placed his good arm around Yoji to make sure the man didn't simply tip forward. He'd started swaying in place a few minutes ago. Omi knew he should bring him in but he simply didn't trust himself to have enough strength anymore to do so. "Yoji-kun, look!" He whispered. The green eyes followed to where Omi was weakly pointing too with his injured arm. Thin golden rays of light were coming off the buildings in front of them. It was such a mundane beauty that men had long ago forgotten about. It only lasted a few seconds as the sun continued to rise in the polluted sky. Ever changing… Omi didn't dare to blink as he watched it rise. He was afraid of missing something. Yoji sighed.

"Pretty." His voice was barely over a whisper. There were tears running down the man's face. Omi felt them fall onto his shoulder as Yoji suddenly pulled him closer. The older blond buried his face there. The sky blurred in Omi's vision until only washed out colors remained. Whatever words Yoji was speaking in between the sobs he was crying, Omi could not understand them. The woman's name was the only thing that was clear to him at first. The grip tightened around him and Omi hissed in slight pain. "…don't leave me…" The boy suddenly understood and started to shake in the embrace. When had Yoji suddenly stopped seeing him and in his place seen Neu? When? He wasn't her… he wasn't her…

"I won't." Omi whispered, his cheek resting on Yoji's think hair. "I'll never leave. We'll watch the next sunrise, ne? Ne? I promise Yoji…I promise…"

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Ch2.

_/If only you could see_

_The stranger next to me_/

Omi rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hand. He walked slowly back to the flower shop. He'd survived another day at school, had almost managed to make himself care about the grade he'd received on his one exam but in the end…It was all bland. It was all so fake. He pushed the door open and ignored the squealing customers that were happy to see him. He couldn't manage to smile for them. He just couldn't. He glanced at the room's occupants. Aya. Ken. Yoji? No. The older man wasn't here.

"I'm going to go change." He muttered to Aya as he passed by.

"Hn." The redhead uttered before frowning at the growing crowd of fangirls.

"And get that lazy ass down here!" Ken growled, clearly frustrated from the lack of help. Omi waved a hand tiredly at them before escaping upstairs. His feet paused in front of Yoji's door. He knocked once…twice…there was no answer. He opened it carefully, poking his head in after having tugged his lips into the semblance of a smile.

"Yoji-kun?" The bed was empty. The covers and sheets were pulled away from the mattress, tangled on the wooden floor. Omi pushed the door open further. "Yoji-kun?" He stepped into the room, careful not to step onto anything that would have mattered to the older man. But then again, a little nagging voice spoke in Omi's head before he could shake it off, the man no longer cared about anything or anyone these days. His appearance had gone from immaculate to …disheveled. His flirting green eyes were usually bleak if not closed or hallucinating. On his better days, Yoji was unrecognizable. On his worst days…the man was simply a ghost waiting to go somewhere else.

And no matter how many promises Omi managed to extract from Yoji that it was over, that he'd kick the habit, that he'd stop… oh god!

/You promise you promise that you're done

But i can't tell you from the drugs/

"Yoji!"

/Don't let go/

Warm hands were suddenly lifting him up. Voices clamored on around him. Yoji felt lost. None of the sounds made sense. He wanted to see what was happening but he couldn't manage to open his eyes more than a slit. Or he thought he couldn't but all of sudden there was blue. Blue. Other colors washed in and out. Red, brown, green, black, white, yellow… and they would mix and separate in such a manner that he wanted to be sick. He wanted to be able to close his eyes again. But nothing in him was cooperating. And just as he feared that it would never stop, blue would reappear. And it was a balm to his soul.

"You'll be ok."

The sounds suddenly made sense. They were words. They were…

"Kid." It was a groan.

"Yoji…god… you'll be ok. Just hang on."

'No. No, you got it wrong kid. I can't hang on anymore. Don't let me go. Don't let me go… Don't give up on me… please. Please.' Blue flashed in and out. 'Don't let me go. Don't leave.' In and out. 'Please.' In. 'I...' Out. 'Need.' In. 'You.' Out. 'I'm…' In. 'Lost.'

Out.

/We'll dig a great big hole/

Omi hung on to the man's hand as if it was his lifeline, blue eyes huge in his too tired face. Ken's hand was warm on his shoulder, its pressure would have been comforting but… But. Omi closed his eyes, lifting Yoji's hand to his cheek.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ken asked quietly. Omi had no answer. None that could make its way past his constricted throat. "I just, I thought he was just drinking. I—" Ken trailed off as Omi winced. He'd had no idea how bad the situation had gotten to be. And all the little pieces of the puzzle that had been in front of him somehow were placed together. The late nights, Yoji's disappearing act, his lack of flirting, his lack of just being there. Not to mention Omi's shoulder, his tired eyes—the kid had lost weight and he just hadn't been able to focus on anything. Anything it seemed other than Yoji.

"He'll be ok, you know." Omi's voice was soft. Yet it seemed painfully sharp as it broke the silence around them. Ken's hand pressed into his skin. "He always is." Ken opened his mouth but he closed it after a minute. He didn't know what to say. He also knew deep within that Omi wouldn't have heard him. The blue eyes looked so far away from him in that moment and he ached at the distance.

"You didn't have to go through this alone." He whispered.

"He'll be fine." Omi repeated slowly. "He promised, you know." His voice sounded strange… "He promised it would be his last time." Ken swallowed hard. "And." Omi's eyes were focused now. "I." They blinked rapidly. "Believed." Harsh, the words were harsh to hear. The voice was rough and strangled. "Him." Then the tone changed and it was more sobbing than words making it hard for Ken to decipher them. "I believed _him_. After all the times he promised and did this _again_ and _again…_" But he did. "I believed him…I left him alone." Because he had to. "I…" Because he had already lost a friend and his other one was breaking. "I went to school! How could I? How could I?"

/Down an endless hole

We'll both go/

Ken removed his hand from the shaking shoulder before wrapping the younger man in his arms. Omi protested the movement, needing to deny himself the comfort. How could he deserve to be comforted when he'd failed? Ken tightened his hold, his chin coming to rest on top of Omi's head.

"If the big man promised…" He whispered into the golden brown locks. "He'll keep that promise." Yoji would be ok. He would be. The words were a mantra blowing through his mind. He believed in them. He hoped. He needed to make Omi believe in them as well. "He'll be ok. It's not the first time, right? That he's passed out? He just hit his head this time. He'll be fine. He'll be ok. He'll keep that promise to you, Omi. I swear…We'll help him keep it. We'll be here too. Ok?" Slowly he started to rock in place, the boy in his arms losing all resistance.

And Ken was right. Yoji was fine. This time. He woke from his drugged stupor. Complained of a massive headache, waved their concern aside…Blew up at the suggestions that they involve Kritiker. He was fine. He was in control of this. And when the hell had he asked them to meddle in his life? It only took a few more words like that for Ken to blow his own fuse, throwing up his hands in the air and leaving the room before he attacked the older man. He had tried to explain the painful hours that they'd just spent at his bedside but oh no!

Omi withdrew, taking in the scene. His eyes were still pleading. He knew what he needed to do. What he should have done a long time ago. His blue eyes closed in time with the slamming of a door.

To be continued…


End file.
